💚Mental Health Awareness Week💚

Afternoon my lovelies,

As you may or may not know, this past week (8-14th May 2017) was Mental Health Awareness Week and as a person who is affected by it, it is hard to talk about...

Now, on social media I may look confident, or that I know what I'm doing or that I have nothing to worry about, but as a person who has to go through mental health issues day in day out, it's hard. Most don't know, but for years now I've suffered with anxiety and panic attacks - which is not fun let me tell you...however, since I was a little girl, I always had problems with my breathing, where I would stop myself from breathing if I started to cry...but when my anxiety kicked in I was only in Year 9 (for Americans that's 8th grade). During this year I had a large group of friends, all girls and we were so close, however, as soon as one thing happened we all fell out and split in half, like most friendship groups do. Now, this really wasn't fun for me, Year 9 over all for me was a time where I got bullied for who I hung out with and what I looked like - by boys and girls - and that automatically knocks your confidence down massively. I remember one night I woke up and couldn't breath, I texted one of my friends and they told me that what I was describing to them was a panic attack, now as soon as you hear those words you freak out even more. Every time I think or describe this feeling to someone, I always say it feels like someone is sucking your soul out of your body, you know, like the dementors in Harry Potter...nat good...

Things got worse when I was in Year 10 and I started uploading here and there on YouTube. I would get a certain group of boys taking the mick out of me which again knocked my confidence so low and made me feel like shit, not going to lie. This went on for a long time and it almost made me want to give up all together.  

Year 11, oh god, Year 11...that was the hardest year for me...I felt like absolute shit. People saying stuff about me, bullying...the whole lot. I acted like everything was fine and I didn't tell anyone at all. THAT'S THE WORST PART!!!

Moving into Year 12, I secretly didn't want to post anything because people would always take the mick out of me, and I didn't want to look like a 'freak' for having a social media account...but I thought that in by Year 12 people would've gotten over the fact of having something like that because it's a normality in society, everyone does YouTube and blogging, let's be honest. However, that didn't stop me, by Year 12 I started my makeup page and really getting creative and everyone loved it. What a surprise, a little bit of fun can turn into a massive passion. Wow!!

Year 13, the place I'm at today, the new me, a different me, God I feel good about myself most days...however, most days I feel alone and have to think 'I don't want to go out today' or 'please can we leave? I don't feel right here'. Now that's not something you want to feel, but that is what you do feel when you live with anxiety, it sucks so much!! 

Even though I still have heavy breathing and anxiety attacks from time to time they're not as bad as they used to be and now that I've opened up to my closest people ever, a huge weight has been ,often off my shoulders. I only opened up last year so I've been suffering in silence for 3 years, don't be me and do that!!!!

Over the past few years it's become more and more visible to me that I have this and that many, many other people do to and it's not something that should be hidden. Yes it's hard, but to survive but you must open up to someone, mum, dad, sister, brother or just someone you can tell anything to. That's what I did. I opened up my whole life to my sister and even though I still go through everyday with bad thoughts and anxiety ripping the shit out of me, I know that when I get home I can tell my mum or my sister or my dad about my day, what's worried me, what's made me feel like crap, if something's annoyed me and I have to get it off my chest and boy let me tell you, it feels good. Before, each day used to get a little bit harder until it got to its peak in 2014/2015 where it was at its worst, but now each day gets that little bit easier. I know I have this in my life but I will not let it stop me, no matter what💚

And no, before anyone says anything, I'm not saying this to 'fit in' with society because anxiety is being 'glamorized'...that's bull, it's a condition that a lot of people have so you must respect that...

Now that's enough of me waffling on, but please, if you do suffer with any form of mental health, please, please, please tell someone, it's the best thing to do rather than hiding in the dark! Trust me!

Remember, I love you and I'm always here for a chat.

Love, Charlotte xoxo